Things Unsaid

We didn't leave much left unsaid. Holding back is a luxury for those who think they have time. But 3 years after his death, there's much I'd like to say. Living for 36 months without Greg has shown me things I didn't understand when he was alive.

If I could thank him today, I would say:

Thank you for protecting us. It cost you more than I ever knew.

Thank you for standing strong. For being the rock that held us all together and the one we could turn to when we didn't know what to do.

Thank you for taking those medications that you hated. Every day. Multiple times. Even when they made you feel horrible and you felt like you were taking poison.

Thank you for not having any skeletons in your closet. For being the same person at home as you were in public and when away from us. Thank you for having integrity so that I never had to stumble on anything left behind that made me question who you were.

Thank you for modeling forgiveness and patience. For showing me how to be kinder, slower, and more people-focused. Thank you for all the times your inefficiency annoyed me because you were putting people over productivity.

Thank you for writing a will. And a living will. For deciding you wanted to be buried, not cremated, and relieving me of making that terrible choice.

Thank you for being my go-to person to ask Bible questions. I could really use your knowledge most days. Thanks for all the studying you did and being generous to share your wisdom with me.

Thank you for all the times you stopped to watch a sunset, admire the light streaming through a tree, or take in the strength of a tree. You taught me to see beauty and the fingerprints of God all around.

Thank you for all the times you gave me a break, let me go for a walk, or tapped in when I needed to tap out. Thanks for playing with our son while I washed dishes and listened to a podcast at the end of a long day. Thanks for staying home when I needed time away.

Thanks for making the hard decisions for me. Thank you for being so confident when you knew what was right.

Thank you for not caring what people thought of you.. or us. Thank you for not trying to impress people. Thank you for showing me what the freedom of the gospel really looks like.

Thank you for seeing all the ugly things in my heart and loving me anyway. Thank you for pushing me to get help when I needed it.

Thank you for noticing things I didn't want to see and for loving me enough to let me be uncomfortable when it meant I would grow.

Thank you for the gift of our son. I see you in him every day.

Thank you for being a father that he can be proud of - and even more so as he grows up and learns more about the man you were.