I still don't know what to say
When someone's spouse dies
I fumble with inadequate sentiments
And words that fall flat
"I'm so sorry" doesn't cut it
"I hate this" is a little better
But why do we mention ourselves at all
While triaging a hemorrhaging heart?
Losing a spouse
Is a nightmare few understand
An out of body shock
No words can fix
The closeness of the relationship
And the tearing apart of a union
Makes a pain so deep that
The griever feels like they died too
But if words aren't sufficient
And those meant to reduce pain only make it worse
What can we do
When silence is just as cruel?
We can show up
For the funeral
With a meal left on a porch
Or flowers sent to the home
We can rage against death
Let them know we grieve too
Find ways to say "this is horrible"
And let it be that way far longer than is comfortable
We can send a blanket
Or a text
Money for coffee
Anything that shows we haven't forgotten
We can use their precious name
While telling stories
That show we remember
They lived
What matters most is that we
Show that we care
Even when we're not sure how.
