Time keeps marching on and grief keeps coming along with it. After 40 months of missing Greg, one might think the hard part is over but I’m finding that grief is experienced in layers and time exposes new facets of loss.
Grief in this season is less painful, but not painless. It’s familiar yet still disorienting. Grief brings loneliness at surprising times and stirs up memories that seem to come out of nowhere.
Grief means my life is constantly changing and the things I need Greg here for now, in this season, must be faced without him. Grief is watching our child change before my eyes and wishing so much that his daddy could see him now.
Grief is choosing to live life even when fear of more loss lurks behind every decision. It’s being one more death away from being all alone.
Grief reminds me of life’s fragility and brings me into relationships with others who have lost immensely. It means I’ve been awakened to realities that are hard to carry and that I know our loving God allows suffering. There’s no escaping it in this life - no guarantee that following God will lead to blessings and safety here and now.
Grief is saying, “wave to daddy!” as we drive past a graveyard and “did I ever tell you?” and “I miss him too”.
Grief is here at 40 months just as grief was here at 40 hours and 40 days. Grief has changed but grief remains.